Meet Baby G

I am officially 12 weeks pregnant today! Keeping this a secret has been hard and I am so happy that I can now tell everyone…I’m Pregnant! Last week, we got to finally see that, in fact, there was a baby in my belly. 

The experience was indescribable. Dave and I were in shock while watching our baby on the screen above, listening to baby G’s heartbeat, and watching baby G bounce around the screen like a jumping bean. We were in awe.  

Introducing….Baby G. 

Image

Advertisements

Pregnancy Sensitivity

So far, the hardest part for me has been keeping all of this a secret. I’m tired ALL the time. I want to eat and DON”T want to eat very particular things. I’m crazy sensitive. And my boobs are in pain all day long. Luckily, I haven’t had too much morning sickness. But I definitely feel like my stomach is always on the verge of being unhappy with me.

And, since no one knows, people say whatever the hell they feel like. Conversations I have overheard include: “Better enjoy your life now – once you start having kids your life is over!” , “How can a person be sexy in maternity clothes?”, “You’ll have to wear those ugly jeans with the pouch.” “You better enjoy all those vacations now – you won’t go anywhere once you have kids”.

So i just smile and laugh and nod in agreement. And that just takes a toll on a person.

So I spent this Friday moping while Dave went out with his buddies. So tired that I couldn’t move off of the couch. My stomach in knots that I didn’t want to eat. This was my Friday night. Alone. In a messy house. With no urge to do anything.

Ugh. My life is over.

But then, on Saturday, I went to a wonderful dinner party with friends. Thank God! I took a lovely bath, did my makeup and my hair, put on a dress, dammit, and felt so much better. My friend made me a Ginger beer and lime cocktail and we talked and laughed into the evening. It was just what I needed.

After an emotionally tumultuous weekend, this is what I have to say now. I was one of those people terrified of having a baby and what that would do to my life as I know it. And that fear, along with a multitude of new fears, are ever present and have not gone away. But, I think, after this weekend, I now feel a renewed sense of confidence. I am pretty awesome. Dave is pretty awesome. And this new baby – is certain to be pretty awesome. And as a family, we will decide what our lives will become. Not over. And maybe not that much different. I’m pretty sure this baby will be going to restaurants all over town. This baby will definitely go to music festivals, and concerts, and Shakespeare in the park, and movies at the Wex. And we will have parties. And we will travel. We will get to influence a cool little version of us and expose him or her to our favorite parts of this world. And that is fucking cool.

January 16th 2013: The day we found out

amy preg test

I had this feeling well before I missed my period that I might be pregnant but since I had only just stopped taking birth control, I convinced myself there was no way. Well…I tried to convince myself, anyway. I  bought a pregnancy test on the first day of my supposed period. I took it the next day. The test came up negative. And that was that.

But the day before Dave and I left for our ski trip out west, I woke up for work, went to the bathroom, and thought “What the hell, I have one more test”. So I took it. And this one came up with 2 lines! I was still somewhere in between sleeping and waking — I just sat there stunned. Then, I started pacing the bathroom not knowing what to do next. Should I brush my teeth, take a shower, call Dave?! Rather than do any of these things I paced.

dave preg test

I finally called Dave crying and told him the good news. I wasn’t sure yet if I thought it was good news though. I was not ready – scratch that I AM not ready to be an adult. To be a parent. No way.

The whole day was a blur. When I got home from work Dave met me with roses and hugged me and only then did I feel ok. I felt like we were going to be alright. Because I had him. We would do this together.

So that night we went to Lindey’s to celebrate. We sat down. Dave ordered a manhattan and I ordered my first of many San Pellegrinos. Just after we ordered a man next to us stood on the table clinking his glass to get everyone’s attention. He announced to the restaurant that after 20 hours of labor his wife gave birth and would be buying everyone’s drinks for the next 30 minutes. Kismet?! Dave and I looked at each other, mouths gaping, astonished.

0-2

We toasted. Talked about our lives. Talked about this embryo. Had a wonderful night together.

Now it has only been about a week and a half since that day but it feels, already, like a lifetime. I’ve already gone through 3 or 4 books. I’ve downloaded apps, read blogs, pinned nursery stuff (hoping no one will pay attention to it), and looked at baby furniture. I probably need to slow down. But then I wouldn’t be me. 🙂

Dave suggested I keep a journal to help us capture our memories. So I will.

This will be mostly for me and for Dave. But for those of you we finally begin to tell – this will be for you too (if you want to check in on us). I have no idea what will happen. We are only in our 7th week. There is a chance this may not be the right time for us. And if we make it past 12 weeks, we have a long time until September 22nd (ish). Anything can happen. But Dave and I will be okay no matter what. This will work out as it is supposed to. And it is my lesson in letting go.

So here goes.