I had this feeling well before I missed my period that I might be pregnant but since I had only just stopped taking birth control, I convinced myself there was no way. Well…I tried to convince myself, anyway. I bought a pregnancy test on the first day of my supposed period. I took it the next day. The test came up negative. And that was that.
But the day before Dave and I left for our ski trip out west, I woke up for work, went to the bathroom, and thought “What the hell, I have one more test”. So I took it. And this one came up with 2 lines! I was still somewhere in between sleeping and waking — I just sat there stunned. Then, I started pacing the bathroom not knowing what to do next. Should I brush my teeth, take a shower, call Dave?! Rather than do any of these things I paced.
I finally called Dave crying and told him the good news. I wasn’t sure yet if I thought it was good news though. I was not ready – scratch that I AM not ready to be an adult. To be a parent. No way.
The whole day was a blur. When I got home from work Dave met me with roses and hugged me and only then did I feel ok. I felt like we were going to be alright. Because I had him. We would do this together.
So that night we went to Lindey’s to celebrate. We sat down. Dave ordered a manhattan and I ordered my first of many San Pellegrinos. Just after we ordered a man next to us stood on the table clinking his glass to get everyone’s attention. He announced to the restaurant that after 20 hours of labor his wife gave birth and would be buying everyone’s drinks for the next 30 minutes. Kismet?! Dave and I looked at each other, mouths gaping, astonished.
We toasted. Talked about our lives. Talked about this embryo. Had a wonderful night together.
Now it has only been about a week and a half since that day but it feels, already, like a lifetime. I’ve already gone through 3 or 4 books. I’ve downloaded apps, read blogs, pinned nursery stuff (hoping no one will pay attention to it), and looked at baby furniture. I probably need to slow down. But then I wouldn’t be me. 🙂
Dave suggested I keep a journal to help us capture our memories. So I will.
This will be mostly for me and for Dave. But for those of you we finally begin to tell – this will be for you too (if you want to check in on us). I have no idea what will happen. We are only in our 7th week. There is a chance this may not be the right time for us. And if we make it past 12 weeks, we have a long time until September 22nd (ish). Anything can happen. But Dave and I will be okay no matter what. This will work out as it is supposed to. And it is my lesson in letting go.
So here goes.